If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
