whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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