WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
