he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
