one might say we're banned from that church
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
