So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
