Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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