You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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