I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Of course I have a pirate flag
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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