D3 body, D1 cock
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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