Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
