Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
