he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
