No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
