i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
