lets start a swedish sibling band together
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
