He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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