normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
