Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
