i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
