LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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