I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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