I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
