respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
