I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
