I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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