jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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