Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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