OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
