I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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