who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
