You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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