i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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