what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
