i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
COCAINE IS GR8
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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