mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
