There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
