how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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