That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
