Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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