Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
