gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I stole a fireplace last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
