Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
