I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
