Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
