Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
