I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
