Jerry, you need to find god
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
