Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
