I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
