Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
