Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
