in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is Oprah even human
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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